Edward Cullen is Not Real and He Will Never Love You

...seems like a fairly obvious statement, right? I mean, we're grown men and women, and we can agree on the fact that these fictional male characters (Edward, Jacob, Harry, Peeta, Gale, and every reformed scruffy dude from every Nicholas Sparks novel) are not even loosely based on anything found in the world today.

Gentlemen, show of hands...who here is sick of hearing us pine for dudes that don't exist?

Director: "That was great, but try it again. Only this time, brood MORE. No no, even MORE. And more lip-biting. Yeah."

It's like, not only do guys have to worry about warm-blooded human celebrities like David Beckham, Ryan Gosling, and Jude Law (if he's still alive), now they have to contend with competitors who are impossible to beat because they are not real. Oh, the perils of being a 21st century middle-class male! But this is not a new cultural phenomena; remember back, if you will, to your 11th grade English class. Mr. Darcy? Ring any bells? How about Rhett Butler? These guys are the PIMPS of the canonized literary world. They've been getting ladies' pantaloons in a twist for centuries now. What we've found in Edward and Peeta are just more updated versions of Rhett and Mr. Darcy, only with more Hot Topic clothing, a fetish for human blood, and a post-apocalyptic rendering of America where children are forced to fight each other to the death on a reality TV show. So, same thing really.


As a woman, I can't decide whether it is good or bad that we hold the menfolk to such a high standard. For the moment, I'm leaning toward "good", because I truly do think that these guys are stating a pretty powerful message: Girls want to be treated well, loved for their intelligence, and cared for unconditionally. If you're a bit baffled about the Edward Cullen phenomenon still, let me help you out: basically he's a vampire who loves this dramatic, plain girl who bites her lower lip a lot...pretty much because of her chemistry. Is it biological chemistry? Is it EMOTIONAL chemistry? Who can tell? It doesn't matter. He loves her, he would die for her, and he (for the first year of their relationship) does NOT want to have sex with her. Ideal, right? (See also: I'm a huge prude.)

I wish I could do a "JayWalking"-type on the street outside my apartment and just randomly ask guys to tell me their "ideal woman", in terms of a character from literature or the entertainment industry. Multiple recent shootings and pesky dead-body searches prohibit me from doing this, but I have a feeling that Lisbeth Salander, Calpurnia, and Hermione probably wouldn't make the list. I suppose the point that I'm trying to make is that WOMEN are often falling in love with charismatic, respectable dudes from literature and men are drawn to the same thing they've always been drawn to. So are we "dumbing down" by wanting a fictional guy, or wising up by realizing what a "good man" could be?

I can't really decide. I suppose I'm in the camp of "Until it affects your day-to-day life, it's not really a problem." Unless you are finding yourself eating Lean Pockets in bed every night and resigning yourself to being a full-time, freelance reality TV critic because you hold men to an impossible standard, I think it's alright to let these fictional guys be the inspiration for the type of guy you want to date.

These are dark days, my friends. The 7 billionth baby was born somewhere today, probably to Angelina Jolie. The "Occupy: _____" movement has gotten so desperate and lame that they've posted up in 3rd tier cities like Richmond (watch out, Fergusson Plumbing headquarters...they're coming for you.) Kim Kardashian's name is officially longer than her marriage lasted. The dating pool is deep, wide, and dangerous. Girls and guys, we've got to remember to keep it classy but keep it real (which is also the slogan of the poster that hangs over my bed.)



Not really.

The Best Part of the Day

I've always been a big fan of the little things, or as a trite piece of Cracker Barrel Store wall art might say, "Enjoying Life's Small Pleasures."

Chances are good that you fall into one of the following categories if you're reading this blog:
1. You're a twenty-to-thirtysomething young professional in an entry/mid-level job that you tolerate but don't love.
2. You're in grad school, hoping to eventually get a job
3. You're between jobs for whatever reason, and can't decide which way to go next.

Whichever category you fall in to, I bet we all have something in common; there are little things that we look forward to each day that make the not-so-good parts bearable. I don't necessarily think that the key to enjoying life is seeing the good in everything. I think the real richness of every day comes out when we string together all the little things--the good stuff--and recognize that not every minute of life is going to be awesome.

You know what I look forward to? Coffee every morning.

Coffee never changes. Coffee never disappoints. When people ask me if I'm addicted to coffee, I have a hard time answering because in addition to having a chemical dependency (which I do), I am also emotionally dependent on the minutes associated with "coffee time." Coffee Time has meant something different at every stage of my life, but at every stage, it has been my favorite moment of the day. In college it was the moments I spent walking to my early-morning classes (which I always had, thanks to Accounting) with my mug in hand, enjoying my beautiful campus at a time when everyone else was still asleep or maybe passed out in a nearby church parking lot behind West End. I loved Coffee during my post-grad days when I lived at home. My mom and dad ALWAYS have coffee together and would make a special point to grab my favorite creamer when I came home so I could enjoy coffee in the mornings with them. I enjoyed it when I lived with Matt, and the two of us would just sit and talk before having to get up and get ready for work. Now that I'm back at home for another week or two until I move downtown, this morning routine has become even more important. I love waking up 45 minutes before I have to get ready and enjoying some leisurely coffee while chatting with my parents. In a few weeks when I'm all moved in I'll have to make a NEW routine... that's a little jarring, actually!

So what's YOUR favorite moment of the day? Do you read before bed? Do you call a friend or family member? What parts of the day do you most look forward to?

No right or wrong answers, here. No copying your neighbors. Eyes on your own work.

Happy Thursday!

The Best is Yet to Come (And yes, that's what she said.)

Hello friends. Don't blame the lack of update on your new underwhelming iPhone 5; your RSS feed is fine. I haven't posted in about 2 weeks. Sorry about it. LOTS of great things going on right now, though. For starters, it's Fall, my favorite season ever. Last weekend while the city of Richmond was busy arranging themselves in front of a television somewhere to enjoy football, the chilly weather arrived and brought with it the prospect of wearing my Fall wardrobe, which is basically my summer wardrobe plus a cardigan and tights. Moving on...

Oh, I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. So. That happened.

Now if you're all hyped up to read some salacious details about everything that went wrong with our relationship, you might as well stop reading this now and go back to your Facebook-stalking, child-on-toilet-posting, "I'm-investigating-but-I-can't-tell-if-it-was-mutual-based-on-their-wall-posts"-ing ways. If you're REALLY in my inner circle, you know what you need to know. If you're in my inner circle and do NOT know, give me a call or shoot me an email. I'll fill you in. Another option is to ask my sister- she would set you straight. But her version is rated PG-13 for Some Mild Language and Adult Themes. You've been warned.

Over the past few weeks there have been times that have absolutely sucked. There were moments where I felt like my grief over the loss of my relationship with my special person was going to strangle me. I had mornings where I just laid there in bed thinking, "I can't believe I'm here." Anyone who has been there can relate. There are 15-minute jags where you feel like you will absolutely never be happy again. It reminds me of that scene in City of Angels where award-winning Father of the Year actor Nicholas Cage is telling a fellow angel that 'human pain' can't be worth being human. Through my own human experience (and obviously Nicholas Cage's stellar performance), I get that now.

But here's the thing:

For every second that I felt sad, there have been hundreds of seconds where I have had a reason to smile and look forward; A card in the mail from a kind sorority sister who already has a wayyy more stressful life than me, A text from a friend I haven't seen since preschool who reminds me to smile, My best bud from Elon offering humor and possibly a hit man service (not needed, but the thought was much appreciated), My best friend since 3rd grade sharing a bottle of champagne with me as we "toast to life", The 3 boys who moved everything out of Matt's house for me while I was at work--These guys have come from every direction to make me feel better, and I could write all day and not even scratch the surface on how thankful I am to have each of them. They are my Ross, Rachel, Chandler and Monica. They are my Rory and Lorelei. They are my...Whitney and that show about the girl who moves in with 3 dudes.


Now concerning more practical matters, I am getting ready to move downtown to the Shockoe Bottom area, where I've wanted to live for a long time. I'm living with one of my friends, and we are going to decorate the heck out of our new digs. We'll have a rooftop pool. Visitors welcome. Attractive MCV Doctors and Don Draper look-alikes are encouraged to apply.

So that's what I've been up to lately. OH! I've also become a lot more social; I blame the new female-empowering Fall TV Lineup which includes a show about a shrill brunette living with her boyfriend, one about 2 parents apparently locked in battle with their newborn baby, and another one where all you need to know is that the title contains the word "Playboy". At any rate, I went out downtown last weekend with some friends and ended up meeting NEW friends, which is always fun. I also accidentally turned into Miss Shockoe Bottom Vodka Princess 2011 but alas, hangovers don't last forever and next time I'll remember to drink some water between my 11th and 12th cocktail. Or, I'll just have 2 because that's really all I need.


Here is my final thought for you, my friends: If you are questioning, thinking, or wondering if you could do better for yourself...MAKE THE CHANGE. You won't regret it. You may even save yourself from making the biggest mistake of your life. Your true friends will be there to catch you when you make the jump!