But like a book club member who shows up to the "Bring Your Own Wine" event after having missed the last 4 discussions, let me be irrationally defensive & embarrassed and say (while avoiding everyone's eyes) that I've had a lot going on, and tax season, and warm weather and downtown Richmond and my boyfriend and working out and daylight savings and Pawn Stars marathons and... ::waves hand in front of face:: ...just trust me, I know I've been neglectful. I'll be better about posting from now on. Now, where's the wine...?
But seriously. I've been a busy lady. Seeing as I am still holding down the role as auditor/tax savant (not really) I'm spending a lot of quality time at my desk. Also, doing office-appropriate yoga poses BESIDE my desk (Try it. Seriously, try it.) I'm here sometimes 7 days a week, but I'm keeping a good attitude and focusing on the fact that after tax day (April 17th), "zero" will be the approximate number of damns I will give about hanging around my office after normal business hours.
Let's open my mail bag and answer some questions from my friends:
Q: Why are you still in public accounting?
- Lo Bosworth, 26. Los Angeles
A. The more I do, the more I understand. The more I understand, the more I can "own" my job. Doesn't everyone dream of being an "expert" at something? I'm about 85 years off from being an expert at accounting, but the more time I put in, the more some of this stuff comes naturally to me and I can provide more value. I could have quit or changed careers by now, but that would be like filling up a 7-11 Slurpee without putting the dome lid on first; I'd have only about 3/4 of what I wanted to learn. Maybe I'll never fill it completely. Maybe I'll fill it too full and have it explode over the top and get my hands sticky. But I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. For now...I'm pretty happy.
Q: Doesn't Busy Season suck?
Zach Braff, 30. Canada
A: This question was really put into perspective for me during a discussion with Michael (who is in law enforcement.) Early on in our relationship I started talking about the dark cloud that falls over my life from January until April. Once I assured him that I was not referring to hormones or birth control, he said, "but that's when you add the most value. Saying that you hate tax season would be like me saying that I hate when I have to arrest people." I tell ya, leave it to law-enforcement guys to turn a garden hose on any work pity-party you may want to throw. When worst comes to worst, they can always throw the "well MY job is more dangerous" card, and then you might as well fold-- your argument is invalid. And I mean, rightfully so... my job involves very little personal safety risk (thumb-stapling, nonwithstanding) and I'm in constant admiration of him and his coworkers because they are all terrific. But getting back to the question, yes it sucks but there is a definitive end and I know that I will reach it just in time for summer. Plus, coffee exists, so that's nice.
Q: Will you do my taxes?
Nick Cage, 43. Miami
A: I'm a nerd. I'd love to help you with your taxes! To achieve maximum results, file an extension on that sucker and let's talk in July after I've evaluated the H&M Fall clothing line, purchased enough cheap sunglasses to tide me over until October, and achieved my ideal tan darkness. And for maximum MAXIMUM results, let's talk over 7-11 Slurpees. I really want one now.
I'll just have one. Or like, six.
Q: What's on your Pandora playlist?
- Sean Parker, 34. California
A: West Side Story, Avenue Q, Motown Hits, Les Miserables, Dave Matthews, Summer Hits of the 90's, Martina McBride (...Stop it.)
Q: What do you do for fun when you're not dealing with W-2's and 1099's?
- Ryan Seacrest, Los Angeles
(Those are tax forms. #vocabulary.)
A: Running outside, playing softball (whereby Michael throws the ball in my general direction and I take the next 20 seconds to explain to him why I didn't catch it), watching movies, dinner dates with my gentleman, dinner dates with friends, and reading books that remind me of summer/other times of year. Also, making CDs to listen to in the car on my way to work.
Q: Are you stressed?
- Oprah Winfrey, Chicago
A: Yes. And I either handle stress extremely well, or I don't handle it at all and suddenly I'm sending random 3-page long messages Facebook friends telling them how much I miss them and wish I had their lives. Or I cry loudly, unabashedly in the car on the way home (Pro: nobody can hear me. Con: I look like a domestic abuse victim when I emerge from the car.) Or I can't sleep and end up watching Mob Wives at 2 a.m. (I hate myself.) And sometimes I end up face-down on Michael's couch with my head in his lap crying because [direct quote] "I keep doing taxes and MORE. JUST. KEEP. COMING. IN."
But really, who hasn't been there?
Q: Since you're a woman, shouldn't you be staying in the home with an aspirin between your legs?
- Rick Santorum, 46. La-la Land
A: I'm not clear on where to put the aspirin... could you please elaborate? Also, you are a deplorable human being.
Well that's all the mail we have for today. This has been fun. Let's maybe not wait 3 months before doing this again!
Love to all,
Elyse
