I kicked off Accountingstock 2012 in true Elyse style... sleeping in until 8:00 and being woken up by my coffee dependency. There I was, chilling in bed with my coffee and the cast of The Today show, which may as well change it's name to "The US Weekly Morning Show, plus Irrelevant National Weather in a Place where you Don't Live." That show is to "news" what "The Lizzie McGuire Movie" is to classical cinema. Crap news on TV, crap literature in my Kindle, partially-hydrogenated palm oil coagulate crap in my coffee (don't ever, EVER look on the indredients list for Almond Joy coffee creamer); I thought to myself, This is what the people on the Edward Jones retirement commercials must feel like EVERY DAY!
I watched M get dressed for work, kiss my forehead and head out to protect 'Merica. His parting words: "If you decide to straighten your hair in bed again, please don't fall asleep before you finish. Don't drink the whole pot of coffee by yourself. Whatever cardigan you decide on will be fine. Yes Kathy Lee Gifford looks like a Teddy Graham. Keys are on the counter. Have fun today. Love you, bye."
With him gone, I felt a lot less indulgent than before. 60% of the pleasure from indulgence comes from gloating about it. I decided to counter-balance the morning's lack of productivity with a run. Several non-fast miles later I opted for a quick shower, mostly out of respect for the person about to cut my hair. I allow my "1/4 tank of gas" radius to expand to Midlothian where I plan to sit and read mindless trashy mags while someone attends to my hair needs...namely the 5-inch thick rough patch where I fell asleep during the aforementioned straightener fiasco. I make the required general announcement to the mostly-empty hair salon about how I'm just off today for tax day and everyone nods beatifically. I sweep the lobby, collecting every trashy mag in sight. My only requirement is that it be < intelligent and mind-expanding than People Magazine. Meeting these qualifications: Us Weekly, Star and Cosmo. (Side note, Kim Karcrashian is on 3 different magazine covers; one for her butt, one for her face, and one for Most Influential Feminist.) One of those is a lie.
...seems that I've missed quite a lot.
I take my stack on SmutBibles and thumb through them for the next 2 hours (yes really) while my crispy hair is brought back to life. I switch to '50 Shades of Pray Nobody Sees me Reading This' and ponder the need for a Kindle privacy screen. By the time this process is over, it's about 2 p.m. and I still need to hit the mall (a.k.a. the non-working person's Mothership) to procure some 80's clothes for a concert this Saturday night. The lack of having a set schedule has messed up my meal times and I decide to make food a priority before the 80's wear. Nothing says "I'm celebrating being a life winner" quite like eating Chik-Fil-A alone in an empty food court at 3 p.m. Nuggets, by the way, not even a sandwich. And I got ketchup on my cardigan.
Since pretty much everything there either looks like something that could be worn on Halloween or Lady Gaga's leisurewear, I head to H&M. I encounter my typical "Ohmygod I am so overwhelmed by the clothes choices" panic attack and I summon my friend Julia to come help me with the process. I decide on a tulle ballet skirt and a cropped tank top that will never see the light of day after Saturday because it is neon Mickey Mouse. Julia and I remind ourselves that--truth be told--we were wearing onesies and diapers in the 80's so this is a good compromise. I managed to also get M a birthday present.
40 miles, one cardigan, and approximately $983,657 dollars later I am ready to get my obligatory "sip in the car" Starbucks drink and head out. I technically only have 2 bags, and I calmly remind myself that even though my debit card took a flogging, I got a lot accomplished today. Maybe bank karma will decide to throw a couple of credit dollars on there for 'good self-control.'
It was a day full of frivolity and triumph. I did exactly what I'd set out to do, while taking the time to pause and reflect on the road behind me. Sure I have plenty of vacation days to look forward to, but somehow it's just not the same as having an entire day to yourself while everyone else works. You can keep your President's Day, Columbus Day, 4:20, and so on... I'll take my middle-of-the-week Tax Day anytime.
- Elyse
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